What few people tell you about having children is how funny they are. Kids are hilarious. They say the best and most ridiculous things. I  have gladly noted many of my favourite moments and random child musings down over the past several years. Arguably enough to possibly fill a book (wouldn’t that be an epic wedding gift?!… though my kids aren’t ever getting married and are going to live with me forever – they told me so!). I sincerely suggest you do the same. Start writing it all down, to look back on, you won’t regret it! Nieces, nephews, your own kin – I am pretty sure that’s what the ‘notes’ section on your phone is for! But for now here are a few gems too good not to share:

 

I have noted some of the best conversations and one liners, follow the phrase “when I grow up”:

 

Our oldest daughter whispers quietly while, bandaging her dolls arm,

“When I grow up I want to be a doctor.”

Our younger daughter, sitting next to her, loudly announces,

“When I grow up I want to be cat!”

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“When I grow up, I will use the spraying window washers (wiper fluid) all the time. Jump off high diving boards and drink pop. Lots of POP – because that’s what adults do!”

“Really, I don’t drink lots of pop?!”

“Well you should, because you are allowed.”

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Other, Arguably Awesome, Random Phrases-

 

“Look mom there are eleventeen of those.”

“Eleventeen is not number.”

“Yes it is, it’s my favourite number!”

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“What was I doing when Peyton was baby?”

“You weren’t around. You had not been born yet, when Peyton was baby.”

“That sounds so sad and boring.”

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Sometimes 4 and 5 year old wisdom is really profound:

“Mommy, you can’t get upset over what size we are – it’s like coloured cups – you get what you get and you don’t get upset!”

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Acacia trying  so hard to give her sister an acceptable nick name:

“We can’t call Peyton ‘Pey Pey Petunia’ anymore because …

Well I just can’t say it right, because she thinks I am saying ‘Peyton The Tuna.’

And mommy, don’t say ‘Peyton the Tuna’ or Peyton will get upset. She will! She HATES being called fish.

Say ‘Pey Pey Petunia’ or ‘the Pey Pey Monster’ but definitely not ‘the Pee Pee Monster’ then she gets REALLY upset. I am just saying this to help you!”

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DAD CLOSES THE FRONT DOOR.

“Who was at the door dad?!

Was it a Random Stranger (pronounced: wandum stwanga)?!”

*mother falls off couch laughing*

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That time when Acacia was a newborn and Peyton was only about to turn four and Acacia was laying on the floor on one of those sensory play mats with the soft arched mobiles crossing overtop.

Peyton was playing with her hockey stick and ball near by. Finally after the ball found its way onto the mat with the baby for the third time, I went and scooped the baby up, only to hear Peyton bellow,

“Put her back down – she was in net!!!”

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On so-called maternal instincts –

“Mom, do you have to get one of THOSE when you grow up, if you don’t want them?!”

“Get what?!”

“That.”

“Are you pointing to that baby?”

“Yes. Do I have to get one of those?!”

“No. No one HAS TO  have kids if they don’t want them.”

“Oh good. Where do they get them anyways?! Like from a store? Maybe Walmart?  Because I don’t want to go to that store….”

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On finding babies rather untrustworthy –

Snuggling friends newborn in my arms and asking “isn’t he cute?!”

*not listening, busying giving helpless baby the evil eye*

“Tell it to stop looking at me.”

“I can’t – it’s a baby and stop referring to babies as ‘ITS,’ they are people!”

*starts giving me the evil eye*

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“Mom, mom, mom, mom…”

“Yes.”

“Are people allowed on the freeway if they have rockets on their roller skates?!”

“Definitely not!!”

*making mental note to NEVER buy roller-skates and check all amazon searches once computer literacy develops*

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